Onwards!
The 'move, bitch, get out the way' award for show-stealing
James Garnon, in King Lear at the West Yorkshire Playhouse. My fondness for background acting in TV shows has probably bled into my theatre-watching, and my subsequent attachment to some (slightly) more minor characters. While the WYP's Lear was sound overall, I'm afraid I can't remember much aside from James Garnon striding around in braces and riding boots. That, and sassy!Oswald. Sorry Iain Batchelor, you were really close to winning, but were you wearing braces? No, you were not.
The 'eyes on the prize, Leach' award for show-stealing that was committed by someone not in the ensemble
Anne Boleyn was one of my favourite shows of the year; vibrant, hilarious and beautifully performed, I adored it. However, I found myself distracted by the presence of a certain Sexy Cellist up in the balcony, and - more specifically - his obscene habit of basically performing oral sex with his cello while he wasn't playing it. How is a girl to focus when he's mouthing at his tuning keys? Impossible.
Snog of the year
Despite hearty competition from Ben Lamb and Emma Pallant in As You Like It, Oscar-worthy kiss of the year has to go to Ben Deery and James Garnon in Anne Boleyn. I will refrain from further comment lest I shame myself.
The 'I hate myself' award for inappropriate arousal
Our Private Lives - a play about underage rape, accused incest and psychological trauma - was bloody hard to watch, and incredibly powerful. And yet, there was Colin Morgan, all slender and angsty, in excellent jeans, with his hair all a mess, and good lord the mixture of extreme emotions going while sitting in that tiny room was quite disgusting.
Best cape-based masculinity crisis
Sam Crane, All's Well That Ends Well. Oh BERTRAM, you beautiful dickbag.
Moment most deserving of spontaneous applause
Emma Pallant's Seven Ages of Man speech in As You Like It. Emma's Lady Jacques was sublime throughout, but this speech in particular was stupendous.
The 'OH GOD WHY' award for most awkward in-theatre moment
That moment when someone actually started spontaneously applauding in the middle of Emma's Seven Ages of Man speech. I mean, if you're moved to express yourself, then who am I to stop you, but she was only on act four! And it explicitly states that there will be seven!
The TALL award for tall tallness
Despite stiff competition from other lovely tall boys (Ben Lamb, Will Featherstone, Ed Bennett, John Heffernan), this one has to go to Rupert Young, who had to KNEEL DOWN to hug one of his castmates in Company, and was still almost as tall as her. We also had the great honour of seeing his tall tallness up close, too, and Mr Young is as delightful as he is giant.
The 'you are my sunshine, my only sunshine' award for RADIANCE
The Globe ladies could have blown a hole in the ozone layer with the sheer force of RADIANCE pouring out of that one spot on the South Bank, I'm sure. Ellie Piercy, Miranda Raison and Emma Pallant were all beaming rays of sunshine (and I am reliably informed that Eve Best would also be on this list, had I seen Much Ado), but the accolade must go to the supernova of radiance that is Jo Herbert, for her Rosalind. As many have said, she was born to play the role.
Best forearms
There was a veritable feast of forearm glory in almost every show I saw this year (I can reduce even the most highbrow of cultural outings into a oglefest. I'm not even sorry), but SURPRISE WINNER of the 2011 forearms award is one Ed Bennett. I admit, I may have been blinded by the fact that they were about eight inches from my face for a several minutes, but they were undeniably spectacular specimens.
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| Told you so |
Like there was, or will ever be, another contender. Step up, Ben Lamb.
Most arousing costume design
Ooh, sometimes I just want to kiss a show's costume designer on the mouth. This year we had some treats: Heffernan and his bowties in Last of the Duchess; Sam Barnett's ridiculously tight jeans in Rosencratnz and Guildenstern are dead; an abundance of waistcoat action in both Three Farces and As You Like It - all, magnificent. However, I think the award has to go to Propeller's Henry V, whose modern military garb - mainly vests - resulted in what was basically a forearm army, or a forearmy, if you will.
FAAAAACE! of the year
Yet again, Ed Bennett takes it. Three Farces farces had me laughing until I was sure I was going to vomit up my spleen, but Ed in particular was fantastic - the tiniest little lip-twitch or nose-scrunch had the audience howling, and his upper-middle-class twit face is second to none.
Most teasing loincloth
Don't even front, Sam Crane. Stop concealing your feelings under that knee-length modest loincloth of yours.
The 'oh, that's what everyone was harping on about' award for person I finally saw on stage
Excellent twitter types had talked at length about how wonderful John Heffernan is, and I finally got to experience it for myself this year - twice, in fact! While I will be forever bitter about missing Love, Love, Love and particularly his Richard II, he was utterly wonderful in Emperor and Galilean and Last of the Duchess -- in the former, tender and heartbreaking, in the latter, precious beyond belief. He immediately leapt onto my 'people I will make the effort to see regardless of price or distance' list, and I can't wait to see him in more things. Next up: She Stoops to Conquer.
The 'cheers, Twitter' award for people I am inexplicably attached to despite never actually seeing them perform
The joint recipients of this award have to be Kyle Soller and Phil Cumbus; living vicariously through my friends as they watched Much Ado About Nothing, The Globe Mysteries, The Government Inspector and Faith Machine, with only headshots and YouTube delights to tide me over, I nevertheless start 2012 with a Soller Situation and a spot on Team Cumberbus. \o/
Greatest things I have now watched because a person from a show was in it once
I am finding it hard to pick between the objective winner - Benjamin Dove, a beautiful, if heartbreaking Icelandic family film - and one I secretly want to give the award to - The Demon Headmaster. However, the astute among you will notice that these two things have something in common, and thus the award can be presented to Gunnar Cauthery's back catalogue. Even The Tudors.
The 'oh God still crying why did it have to end' award for show of the year
The Globe's As You Like It. Almost four months later, and I still can't find words adequate enough to express how fucking wonderful it was. The most joyous show I've ever seen.
Best nickname
Tall sex ninja, jam filled pastry case, sunkissed, Cumberbus -- there were a LOT of ridiculous nicknames coined this year. However, the crowning jewel of nicknamey glory, of course, has to go to Tiny Hamlet, a pseudonym that is so ubiquitous, it appears to now be used by Joshua Maguire's family members. As Sophie puts it, 'I feel we have, in a very real way, ruined Joshua McGuire's life a little bit.'
Troll of the year
Posting pictures of skinny-dipping adventures? Sending us links to videos of glorious boyband mimicry? Slipping in-jokes into on-stage dialogue and radio interviews? Why, it could only be Gunnar Cauthery, troll extraordinaire and king of the enablers.
The 'we could have had it aaaaaaaaall' award for show I most regret missing
As I think of all the shows I didn't get to see this year, I'm finding myself hammering at the keyboard with increasing bitter rage. Jerusalem, Richard II, 66 Books, Tender Napalm, and so many other shows I missed due to distance/cost/logistics. Oh, to be a lottery winner! However, the title has to go to The Globe's Much Ado About Nothing, which I heard was nothing short of exquisite. I hope to find some solace from the eventual DVD.
The 'WHY AM I HERE I HATE MYSELF' award for guilty pleasure of the year
Glee live. Fuck you all, it was amazing.
The 'how is this a thing that is real' for best experience of the year
That one time we spent an evening sandwiched between Jamie Parker's childhood friends while he, his beautiful wife Deborah Crowe, and Samuel Barnett performed Sondheim and other other musical theatre classics about eight feet away from us. Remember that time Jamie's friends told us anecdotes about his adolescence? Remember that time we cheered so loudly that we got special recognition? Remember that time Deborah Crowe told me I looked like Anna Maxwell Martin? I do.
The 'shut up being so wonderful I can't even deal with it' award for best ensemble
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| These fuckers. |
You should become a professional reviewer. Seriously. XD
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, let's go and see Matilda!
SORRY TINY HAMLET
ReplyDelete(also Glee Live was incredible, haters go home)