Thing is, I don't think it's easy to be happy, and I do agree that it's a skill - one I've worked at throughout my life. It goes without saying that happiness is circumstantial, and I'm lucky enough that circumstances haven't been so dire as to prevent happiness for extended periods. I also am lucky enough not to suffer from severe mental health issues, which are also naturally incredibly detrimental to pursuing happiness. But even from a pretty neutral starting ground, I've taught myself to be happy, and it's taken some effort. And, given time, effort has become habit, and habit has become a part of who I am.
I'm hoping this doesn't come across as a wanky self-help guide, because lord knows I don't have the authority or the audacity to pretend I can advise people on their lives in any way. But these are tips, I suppose. Tips that have helped me to be a bit happier in my everyday life. And I wanted to put them somewhere.
1. Take a deep breath
It's super easy, when caught in a bad situation, to freak the fuck out. In fact, you're more than entitled to do so. Heaven knows, I'm a cryer - as Kristen Bell so aptly puts it**, if I'm below a three or above a seven on the emotional scale, I'm probably in tears. And when you're crying hysterically, if someone says 'look on the bright side...', the temptation to punch them in the throat is rather intense. But listen to them: there really are good things that can come out of bad situations, and hearing them from other people not blinded by fear or rage or sadness can really help to rationalise things. Take a deep breath, and really take in the positives, the upsides. Eventually, it means you can start providing that help for yourself -- when something shitty happens, you're able to think of your own upside. Even if it's just one, one small good thing that can come from what seems, on the front of it, to be a complete crock of shite situation, it makes the whole thing less looming. Less all-consuming. There's good there somewhere; find it.
2. Say thank you
It's often the good deeds of others that make us happy, and while I imagine most of us have even the most rudimentary manners, and would thus say thank you, making the effort to do so properly is really, really uplifting. Looking someone in the eyes and saying how much you appreciate them, giving them a hug, or even just firing off an email to a company from which you've received particularly good customer service; a proper thank you makes you realise that, hey, someone did something for you. You, specifically. And it made you happy. And by saying thank you, you're most likely making them happy, too, which radiates even more happiness back to you. Win-win!
3. Find happiness triggers
Finding something that reliably makes you feel better is an absolute godsend. I have a few fail-safes: my 'pop renaissance' iTunes playlist; the BBC's adaptation of Emma from 2009; painting my nails; and pictures and footage of the aurora borealis. Like this one, which is intermittently my desktop background.
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| The aurora borealis over the Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland, taken by Albert Jakobsson. |
4. Be sad
Yes, this seems rather counterproductive, but hear me out. I may be giddy and ridiculous a lot of the time, but I also get super sad. Like, eat-a-whole-Easter-egg-in-one-day sad. At first I thought the key to being happier was to not be sad, to eschew grumpiness with a firm hand. Thaaaaaat...didn't work. Instead, if I feel low, I own it. I'm a cliché. I listen to sad music and cry in the shower. I retire to my bedroom for fifteen hours of mainlining Doctor Who. I'm ridiculous. But it really helps - not only does the sadness move past much, much quicker when you allow yourself to wallow and then move on, but it's the old logic: you can't know what happiness is without feeling sadness. Happiness feels all the better afterwards, rather than just the default. Embrace your emotional range! Feel ALL THE THINGS!
5. Cut rubbishness loose
This one is simple, but a bit brutal. If anyone makes you feel less than awesome, stop spending time with them. People who exhaust you, who make you apologise for who you are and what you do, cut them out. It's really fucking liberating.
6. Enjoy things unironically
Lucky for you guys, there's an entire blog post in the offing about this ridiculous bullshit culture of ~liking things ironically~ that perpetuates at the moment. Only liking things ironically means you're somehow restricting the happiness you're allowed to feel?? That is INSANE. Like things because you like them! Don't apologise for it! This whole idea that some things can only be liked ironically - Ke$ha, The Only Way Is Essex, text speak - is a manifestation of some kind of nebulous, non-specific culture police telling you that some things have to be liked in one way and some things in another. It really is nuts.
7. Count your blessings
Remember how your gran always used to say this to you, and you'd roll your eyes? Yeah, me too. Then I actually started doing it, literally counting my blessings. Sitting down and making lists of the things that have made me happy in the past week/month/year, writing them on the whiteboard on my wall, reeling them off to myself so I remembered how fucking lucky I am. In fact, I'll do one right now:
Things that have made me happy in the last week
a. My dad being well enough after his surgery to mock me when I fainted at his bedside.
b. Getting super into a new TV show, and sending screechy emails to a friend about it.
c. Not needing my bike lights in the evenings.
d. Meeting fantastic new people this weekend, and spending more time with ones I have grown to adore over the past year.
e. Eating a fuckton of great food with the above.
f. Justin Timberlake making music again.
g. Buying a Letterman jacket with my initial on it.
One great tip I read online is to write little things that have made you happy onto small pieces of paper, and pop them into a jar. At the end of the year (or whenever you need a pick me up!), you can crack open the jar and relive the little, lovely things that made you happy months before.
Sometimes these don’t work, and everyone is different. But they’ve worked for me and, as I forget to do them a lot of the time, a list like this might be, at the very least, something for me to come back to. But, you never know, it might help someone else, too.
The Divine Comedy - In Pursuit of Happiness
*It takes a brave soul to take me to the zoo.
**This is the cutest fucking thing in the universe, seriously. KBell feels me, y'all.
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